It’s been too long

The events of last night are as follows:

  • My 70’s style detective colleague and I were making a high speed getaway from something, somewhere, after making an arrest. The getaway was along a shallow stream, shallow, but wide enough for a red 70’s style muscle car.
  • Suddenly we were driving through a city, jumping over ramps in order to smash through cigarette adverts on top of traffic lights, because you got more points for hitting them, because cigarettes are bad.
  • The last ramp was now being viewed from a top down, 2d Original-GTA style, very pixelated point of view. I slammed on the brakes and the car skidded to a halt on the wooden board walk/pier type thing that run up to the ramp, that jumped into a lake
  • After getting out of the car, and now being back in the ‘real world’ sort of view, I realised I was in Sarah Michelle Gellar’s bedroom. She entered the room, and tried to seduce me. I almost gave in, but instead managed to convince her to join the fight against the crime syndicate I was trying to bring down.
  • With Sarah Michelle Gellar now on the team, she ceased to appear in the dream. I was now seated in the front of a black van, with my (now different) 70’s style detective partner, and in between us was some sort of criminal type, driving the van which had the steering wheel dead centre.
  • I passed some alcohol to the evil driver, after taking a swig myself, and then my colleague did as well. But little did the evil driver know, the alcohol was spiked with a knock out drug! I quickly took the antidote as the driver went delirious and started behaving like a dozy toddler. I gave him a fold out toy steering wheel and slide his chair back so he could pretend he was still driving, and I took over, and passed the antidote onto my colleague.
  • Suddenly I got all dozy as well and the bad guy snapped out of his daze, and shouted “You’ll get us all killed!”, the van swerved a lot, and we ended up off the road driving along a shallow stream/river.
  • A red american 70’s muscle car drove past us in the opposite direction. The bad evil guy was now another fellow detective, and I asked the question “Have we gone back in time?”, to which my colleague replied, “Yes, 10 years back to when we arrested that guy”
  • We were now going back to the scene of the arrest (despite it only just happening) to find something that had been left there. When we arrived…. we saw the red 70’s American muscle car again, but kept our distance as we couldn’t bump into ourselves in the past.
  • It was late evening, there was a cafe nearby and there was some live music being played outside. The now 4 of us, I shook the hand of our leader, “G” (who I think might have looked like Mac from Green Wing), and then did a forward roll down the hill toward the cafe. I turned back and went towards the others who were throwing a hand gun between us trying to decide who should have it. I jumped up in the air, caught the gun and tried to put it down my waist band in such a way that if it accidentally went off it wouldn’t shoot my penis.
  • Next, we were all settling down for a night of sleep in the local church hall’s mezzanine floor, and Apu, a young guy who happened to be pregnant, was introducing us to his father. Suddenly I realised, that Apu was a guy, and shouldn’t be pregnant, so I said “Hang on, Apu is a guy, how is he pregnant. And how does he have Holly’s baby in him anyway?” To which someone replied “No, Holly’s still pregnant as well”. So I said ok, and went to sleep.
  • I awoke outside a castle, sleeping on a board walk, in my boxers. I saw the entire village population walking from the nearby church to the castle. I picked up my phone, wallet and stereo front, and ran inside to look for my clothes.
  • Stewie Griffin was king, and apparently we were all his friends and that is why we were there, to help him defend his lands in a war/something with these evil people that are the general bad guys in this dream. Stewie sent some of my friends away, and told me and this slightly porky girl to go and get everyone’s clothes from the church. I was now fully dressed, and this girl was for some reason wearing a prom dress.
  • We found a half height door leading into the church with a spiral staircase just inside. But it was a very narrow staircase. I had to lay on my belly and drag myself up using my arms, and I was now very inconveniently wearing a rucksack. As I struggled up the stairs, I worried to myself “How will that girl make it up here?!”
  • When I got to the top, I was now in a big sort of empty hall, like a big empty museum, on a large metal staircase/bridge structure. At the bottom there was a middle-aged blonde woman shouting “Peter, you need to keep moving really quickly to make it across this bridge!”. I turned around and studied the odd metal structure, which appeared to be 3 metal spiral staircases, that eventually led to a platform with 2 gates to get onto it, then 2 gates at the other end, and 3 metal spiral staircases to get back down. It seemed, entirely pointless.
  • As I was about to go up the second staircase (a little bit faster as advised) some people ran in the room and shouted “NO! DON’T GO UP THERE!! DON’T LET IT OUT!”. I looked back up on the platform and saw an old man on the platform, then he saw all the shouting and saw me, and ran to the gate on the platform. He looked very excited and started rattling the gate…
  • Then I woke up.

True story


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